The Big Day

The big day came

It was the day of the Olympics,

I felt so ready

It was the year to win this

 

I jogged to the track

I cried with happiness and joy,

Someone called my name

It was a little boy

 

He ran with me

For a minute or so,

We ran very little

For he was so slow

 

People started to line up

I joined them,

The trophy was beautiful

It was time to win the gem

 

I was scared and freighted

I told myself I can,

For when the gun shot

I ran and ran and ran

 

 

9 Comments

  • Hi I’m Wesley from Layton primary school and were going to be commenting on your 100 word challenges from now on.
    I like the way you have used short sentences for suspense and adjectives to describe the way you do it.
    You could use some adverbial phrases or present participles . You could uplevel this sentence to
    Suddenly, it was the day it felt like forever…
    Well done and please comment in mine on Layton blogs.net

  • Hello Allison, I am Megan from Layton Primary School, Blackpool, England. I have read your 100wc and I found it quite catchy. Next time try to add that weeks prompt.
    Visit our blog – http://6d2015.laytonblogs.net/wp-admin/

  • Hi my name is Mollie I love how you use lots of
    verbs however you could put some advers in your writing
    for example.

    I rapidly jogged to the track

  • Well done Allison, I enjoyed reading your 100 word challenge. I like how you have chose to create a poem instead of just writing a story. I have a question for you, how can you fit in ‘ she was shocked to see?’Maybe next you can try to use figurative language to exaggerate how you ran. For example you could say, ‘ I ran and ran until my breath couldn’t catch up with me.’ I can’t wait to read your next piece of writing. From Scarlett , Layton primary school, Blackpool.

  • Hi my name is Georgia,I’m from Blackpool.I love the way you did it about sports because I love doing it too.your poem is great.

  • Hi!my name is Jaudi.
    This story is amazing!I felt so alive reading this!It made me feel as if it was actually happening!
    Jaudi

  • Well done Allison you’ve used lots of subordinate clauses. But next time you could use a adverbial phrase.

  • Hi Allison.
    My name is Lewis,I’m from Blackpool.
    And I have to say your poem was AWESOME; you have used lots of rhyming words along with some adjectives .
    After your poem it made me jubilant and you planted a grin on my face.
    By Lewis.

  • Next time, be careful to check your spelling.

    Good metaphors though!

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